So much for Beyond Meat!

The Babylon Bee hits another one out of the park.

Look out, Beyond Meat — a new competitor has emerged in the market of turning vegetables into a food that tastes just like meat. But while companies like Beyond Meat use laboratories to turn vegetables into something tasty, this new process uses a much more natural method: feeding the vegetables to a cow.

The startup, which goes by the much simpler brand name of “Meat,” came upon this process after using hundreds of millions of venture capital dollars to research how to turn vegetable products into something delicious that could be used as a burger. “Vegetables are ugly and horrible, and no one likes them,” said Meat researcher Winston Sullivan. “We tried everything to make them edible, but nothing worked — except maybe covering them in ranch dressing. But then we saw this creature, a cow, was eating the vegetables — because it was so dumb and didn’t know any better or something — and somehow afterward it became filled with tasty meat. It was amazing.”

There’s more at the link.

I do like a little satire to season my day.  The Babylon Bee provides a regular dose.  I note, too, that its humor appears to be lost on the dictatorial culture commissars of the left . . . Snopes is trying to label the Babylon Bee as “fake news”, apparently because its satire is frequently directed against progressive sacred cows (although it just as often lampoons right-wing holy bovines too).  As far as I’m concerned, that’s an even greater incentive to read the Bee!

Peter

8 comments

  1. I’ve had long discussions with vegetarians and vegans about how unhealthy ‘fake meat’ flavoring is when they are trying to tell me that their stuff is chemically safe.

    And then how it is so much more natural for my meat to be made from meat.

    I usually leave them angry (a natural state of vegans and vegetarians) and confused.

    And…

    On I-75, just south of Ocala, FL has been a billboard saying “Meat, It’s what Vegetarians cheat with” from the Florida Beef people…

  2. “There’s been a mistaken. You’ve given me the food that my food eats.” –Ron Swanson, when given a salad.

    Jokes aside, I do like to keep an eye on faux meat developments, simply because vat grown mycoproteins and vegetable matter will most likely form the basis of spaceship diets.

  3. One thought on that subject: I remember reading back in the 70’s in an alternative farm magazine that four fifths of the agricultural land in the world is suitable only for grazing! Sure people have tried to grow row crops on lots of unsuitable land. Irrigating high desert and central valley land has resulted in land that has become too saline to grow anything. Mitchner mentions in his story about Afganistan a large area where no one knows what hapened to the people who lived there in ancient times until a post war dam proved that irrigation would not bring the land into production because of the salt buildup from the ancient irrigation system. Lots of land has been lost soil being washed away by plowing too steep of slopes. Besides I like my steaks, cheese and other dairy products.

  4. What Howard Brewi said. If you read the “Little House on the Prarie” you learn that a good portion of places the Engels (well, the good Engels) went to were unsuitable for sustained agriculture using the techiques and materials available at the time. (Modern agriculture with modern equipment, modern seed, modern pest control and modern fertilization can make these fields bloom, if you allow modern stuff and methods. Try ‘organic’ or, as I call it ‘poop-based (using a worse word for poop)’ agriculture using non-GMO seed and you’ll fail. Every time. Maybe not the first harvest, but the ground will be depleted rather quickly (as the Engels found out…))

    Thus, ranching. One cow on 10 acres or more, when in Florida you can get 10 cows per acre, or use that land for other things (NOT SOLAR PANELS like just south of Lake City on I-75, you fatuous gits!!!)

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